


Denials and Understandings

by QueenCarol



Series: Fighting For The Moments [2]
Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Carzekiel, Episode Related, Episode s9e02: The Bridge, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-21
Updated: 2018-10-21
Packaged: 2019-08-05 14:59:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,889
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16369808
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/QueenCarol/pseuds/QueenCarol
Summary: Carol feels guilty for denying what she thinks makes Ezekiel happy.  Ezekiel misunderstands.Tie-in with TWD s9e02: The Bridge





	Denials and Understandings

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer:
> 
> Carol Peletier, Sophia Peletier, King Ezekiel, Henry, Jerry, Shiva, and any other recognizable character or plot of The Walking Dead belong to AMC Network and Skybound Entertainment, Image Comics and Robert Kirkman.
> 
> In no way is the author claiming ownage of any of the characters nor is there any economical/monetary gain at any time. The author is extremely respectful of the original creators and is willing to take down this work of fiction if requested.
> 
> No copyright infringement intended

She feels a little guilty.

If she is thoroughly honest with herself she would have loved to hear Ezekiel speech. No doubt her hands would have turned a little sweaty and her her heart would have thundered in her chest. It would have been special to hear the words he had written about her, about them.

They’d been in the middle of a bonfire, resting from the hard day of work they’d had, when she had suddenly been struck by the thought that this was indeed her family, a family she did not want to lose. Watching Henry play with Nabila and Jerry while she was embraced by Ezekiel, her head leaning against his shoulder, had seemed as perfect as life could get. This was her family, it was easy to think of them as such, and thus the sudden need to hold on to them, to claim them as hers, ran through her. The most natural step for her was to ask about the ring, to see if Ezekiel still wanted to marry her. She wasn’t surprised that he indeed had the ring close by but she was surprised by him kneeling in front of her.

Ezekiel is a complex man. She has known this since she first met him.

But complex doesn’t mean that she isn’t interested in spending a life with him, even if she sometimes forgets that he had established a whole way of living with a flare of grandure.

Of course he had a speech prepared.

The look he had given her when she told him not to make a big deal out of it, that she still wasn’t saying yes, ran a knife through her heart. Still, she remain steadfast in him not officially proposing simply because they weren’t surrounded by just their family. Around them were members of Hilltop, Alexandria and Kingdom, people she didn’t know, but more importantly there were Saviors, Saviors she wasn’t sure she trusted fully.

She couldn’t help it, her relationship with Ezekiel was something she wants to protect at all cost. It was pure, it felt good and she doesn’t want it to get mixed with any saviors.

Now that everyone has gone to bed though, she can’t help but feel a little guilty from stopping him and robbing them of a moment they could look back on.

“Are you not happy?” Ezekiel asks her, breaking through her train of thought. 

She lets out a small sigh before tilting her head backwards, her blue eyes searching for his dark chocolate. “I’m sorry.”

“Sorry?” Ezekiel does seem thoroughly confused for a second before his whole expression falls, melting into a look of fear and vulnerability. “You are denying it.”

“What?” It is her turn to be confused. What was she meant to be denying?

“The proposal.” His arm moves from around her leaving her with a chill, his leg bounces a little against the earth beneath their feet showing his sudden wave of nerves. “I pushed too hard, I always do.” He shakes his head before making the move to get up.

Carol catches his arm before he can get up from where they’ve sat for the past few hours. 

“Where are you going?” She asks him, her heart thundering in her chest in a way that makes her nauseous. “Ezekiel you misunderstand.”

 

Though he remains sitting besides her, she can see that he is tense. She wants nothing more than to go back in time and be clearer.

“I didn’t mean to say no to your proposal.” She explains though she quickly adds. “I still need time, I still need to clear things in my head before I can say yes, but… that’s not what I meant when I said I was sorry.”

“Oh.” Ezekiel is hardly ever without words yet she finds he says nothing more.

Seeing that he wasn’t going to say anything else, she takes a deep breath and explains. “I meant I was sorry for not letting you say your speech, for not letting you officially propose, on a knee and everything.” She slides the hand that was holding on to his arm until their fingers intertwine. “I do love you.” Carol promises before raising their clasped hands to her lips were she places a gentle kiss to his skin. Afterwards she folds their hands on her lap. “I’ve… had some time to think and I know that I want to marry you, but I still have some things to deal with.”

Seeing that Ezekiel is about to interject she quickly continues. “No, its things you can’t help me with. Things I have to deal with on my own.”

Ezekiel gives her a nod before relaxing his body. He takes his hand from her but only to pass his arm around her, pulling her close to him. In turn she switches hands and once more takes his so that they both get what they want; an embrace and a hand hold. She has always loved how they can easily intertwine their bodies, as if they are two pieces of a puzzle that will fit no matter what combination they try. She always feels small but powerful in his embrace, as if he protects and exalts her with a single touch. This time its no different.

“I don’t wish for you to feel you must accept my proposal.” He admits.

“I know.” Carol promises him, her face turning just enough to burry her nose against his dreads. “And I don’t. If I did I would have already given a resounding no.”

“Carol.” He whispers. “I will understand if the answer is no. It won’t change my love for you, won’t make our relationship falter, neither will getting married.”

She knows she’s grinning like a fool, even if he can’t see her, and she doesn’t care. 

Ezekiel always amazes her with the depth of his feelings, which she always finds match her own unspoken ones. A part of her just wants to blurt that she will marry him; the part that she thought had been long dead, the romantic side of her. She has to negotiate with that side every single day, every single time they kiss, every single time they embrace, and every single time she finds that the practical and pragmatical sides of her are running out of reasons to say no.

“I love you, whether your answer is positive or negative, and I will always love you.” Ezekiel continues explaining. “Nothing in this world will change that. But I also desire your happiness and if at the end of this journey you are traveling you find that you do not wish to be married, I will understand, as long as you are happy. If at the end of the journey you find that you do not wish to remain in a relationship with me, I will also understand and respect your wishes.”

“I am happy.” Carol reminds him quickly. She needs him to know that being without him is not an option. “Very happy. You and Henry… you both make me happy… you specially make me happy.”

“That is all I desire, for you to be happy.” 

And she desires his happiness and well-being as well, craves it as much as she craves his love and touch. She needs him to know this. “I want you to be happy as well, Ezekiel. I am… I reacted bad before; not wanting you to get down on a knee. I just…”

“I understand…”

“No, you don’t.” She finds herself interrupting him. “It’s not that I don’t want your speeches, to be called your Queen, to be seen by your side. It’s not that. I want that. I crave your touch and your nearness as much as I crave your love. I love you.”

He is staring at her in a way he never has before, as if this is truly something he didn’t know. The knife digs deeper into her heart. “I love you,” she repeats. “I love all of you, including your grandeuor, including the side of you that is the King, I didn’t think I would, not when I met you, but I do. I want you to be equally as happy as I am. I feel like I denied you that, like I constantly deny you by not letting you have those moments.”

This gets all of his attention and she soon finds that he shifts his body so that she can see him fully. “Carol. Just having you by my side makes me happy.”

“I saw your expression.” She reminds him. “I know you wanted to give me your speech, I know you wanted to get down on one knee and ask me to be your wife. I didn’t let you.”

“And I understand why.”

“How can you when I barely understand it?”

“Because I know you.” He explains. “I know you are private. I know you are fighting an inner war. I know there are things you want to share with everyone and there are things you wish to remain only between us. I shouldn’t have tried to get down on a knee. I should have given you the ring, kissed you and left it at that.”

“But you wanted to make it official and I didn’t let you.”

He gives her a little shrug, as if to tell her he wasn’t going to deny his desire to shout from the roof tops that Carol Peletier loved him. “It was not the time.” He finally admits. “I know how you feel about the Saviors and proposing officially in front of them was not proper. Nor was it on a horse.” He gives a small chuckle which only makes her raise an eyebrow. “I have the worst timing.”

She can’t help but let out a little chuckle. She doesn’t think either of them does.

“I let myself be swept away and sometimes forget you like simple.”

“Sometimes I like romantic too.” She promises him, her eyes sparkling with hope that neither of them has messed up and the knowledge that they are both learning how to travel this road, something neither of them had done before. “Just…”

“In private.” He finishes for her. “Between us.”

She gives him a little nod before releasing his hand then embracing him, her nose buried against his cheek, her chest pressed to his as best as they can in their current sitting position. “Between us.”

“Lets go to our tent.” He finally proposes. “I can read to you the speech.”  
“I’d like that.” Carol agrees and moves to stand up. 

He remains sitting down for a second or two, simply staring at her and letting her see all the love he has for her. Once she would have backed away, thrown up her walls in defense of her heart, but now, now she welcomes that loved, welcomes the happiness that it brings, the security it offers and the hope for the future it remains steadfast in.

“You don’t have to answer now.” He promises as he finally incorporates himself, his arms immediately moving to embrace her, to wrap around her waist lovingly.

“I know.” She promises, raising to her tip toes to kiss his lips tenderly. “Now take me to our tent and tell me how much you love me.”

He does exactly that.


End file.
